depression

Grief

The truth is there are losses you never get over. They break you to pieces and you can never go back to the original shape you once were, and so you will grieve your own death with that of your beloved lost.
Your grief is your love, turned inside-out. That is why it is so deep. That is why it is so consuming. When your sadness seems bottomless, it is because your love knows no bounds.
Grief teaches us about who we are, and any attempt to crush it, to bury it with the body is an act of vengeance against your own nature.
If everyone felt, honored, respected and trusted their true feelings, this world would be a different place. Instead of reacting, we would respond. Instead of judging, we would see ourselves in everyone. Instead of consuming, we would notice that we cannot fill the gaping wounds inside of us with trinkets.
If instead of pretending we are okay, we would take the time to wail, to weep, to scream, to wander the woods day after day holding hands with our sadness, loving it into remission so it doesn’t turn cold inside of us, gripping us intermittently in the icy fingers of depression. That’s not what grief is meant to do….
…Grief has a way of showing you just how deep your aliveness goes….
…And herein lies the gift that cannot die. It changes the course of your life forever. If you allow yourself the chance to feel it for as long as you need to — even if it is for the rest of your life — you will be guided by it. You will become someone it would have been impossible for you to be, and in this way your loved one lives on, in you.”

-Alison Nappi (I have no idea who this is, but I read the quote on Leah’s (MLL) fb, and it connected with something inside of me)

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I’m sorry that …

I’m sorry that we don’t always make the signs easy to spot. I promise we’re not trying to do it out of spite. Sometimes it’s out of a compulsion born from a chemical imbalance, or from anxiety that can only be put to rest in the most final of ways.

We hide the signs behind smiles and lies, and hope that no one sees the pain behind our eyes.

We hide our pain not because we don’t need help, but because the thought of hurting others with our pain is more than we can bear.

That burden can incapacitate, overwhelm and forever destroy us.

This was taken from http://kieranmoolchan.com/2014/01/28/hi-sorry-to-burden-you-but-im-thinking-about-killing-myself/ . It just describes the feeling a lot better than I have been able to put into words.